Things She Taught Me….
Relationships are all about learning, each day that we spend day together unravels a series of realizations, things which we realize about ourselves and emotions- justifiable and unjustifiable, reasonable and unreasonable- which we never thought we were capable of and it’s not just about her or me, it’s about us. What we say, what we feel, what we realize when we look deep inside ourselves that makes us know about each other, about the indelible bond that we share, about us. What I was, what I will be, I don’t know but what I become when I am with her, is all that matters to me and sometimes I can’t help but be proud of the perfect love which she gave to me. And I know in this world where nothing is what it seems like, it is this belief and pride of mine that will make this union a beautiful one because nothing could ever be beautiful if you don’t think of it to be.
Every day, each moment, I learn, I feel something new. I used to believe once in the unconditional love and all the stupid notions which a lot of stupid people have preached but now I just know human love could never be unconditional. But yes I do have a hope that maybe someday when both of us would have fulfilled most of each other’s desires then maybe we will end up loving each other just for the sake of loving for this love is what that has redeemed both of us. And I learned that love isn’t in the roses or blooms that you may buy for each other, love lies in those moments when you went out of the way and begged to the florist to give you an extra rose bud, love lies in the moments when she has to come up with an incomprehensible story just so she could keep the flowers in her living room, love lies in that one smile that she gave me and love lies in that underlying happiness that I knew she felt but never showed. Love lies in those distance that we walked, love lies in those moments when we held each other’s hand, love lies in the steps she took despite of herself just to please me, love lies in tears which my words often bring to her eyes, love lies in the longing which often fills our heart and love lies everywhere in each gap and in each of our breath.
I learnt to understand though she would beg to differ but then when you have lived your entire life for yourself; it often gets difficult to see a point other than the one that you are making. And yes now I can say I have grown for now I know how to live my life for someone else and even though money can never buy love but every now and then it could be spend to make the people you love happy. It’s not the gifts that you buy for flowers and chocolates and stuff can never last forever for when your flowers have all crumbled down and roses have become a part of some book even then your love will bloom. But yes, once in a while, it doesn’t hurt to do things that would end up taking her breath away like a kiss on a rainy day, underneath the blue sky, on a wide open road for kisses such as these would always linger even when your lips have parted and you are no longer with each other. And it’s not for her to let her guard down and feel carefree but it’s you who have to provide her with this feeling, it’s you who have to take her mind, heart and soul away, it’s you who have to possess for hearts beat a lot better when they are possessed.
And I learnt nothing could ever beat the feel of cool breeze on your skin on a rainy day and nothing could beat eating corn while sitting breathtakingly close on a moving bike and nothing could beat the feel of holding that corn so that she have her bite and nothing could beat the feel which you get when she all of a sudden ends up telling you about some long forgotten liaison and all you want to do is to stab yourself to death with the very same corn and then you close your eyes and all you can see is her face and all you can smell is her sweet fragrance and then past simply seems irrelevant for you know it’s not the past but rather the moment which matters and besides no one can stab themselves to death with a corn.
And that is not all I have learnt but yeah now I do know, the best moments are not the one which you plan for, best moments are the ones which happen by themselves, best moments are the ones where you just go with the flow, best moments are the one where you stop in the middle of the street and pluck flowers, best moments are the ones when you slip an innocent and childish flower ring into her finger.
Love and Hope, Thats all I Live for Now
What does it take for a life to do a one eighty and turn itself around? Well, I don’t know about the world and seriously it is far too hot for me to go out and enquire about someone else’s life but as far as my life goes all it took was three or may be four simple words and nothing was same ever again. It’s been a month and I have woken up every single day, filled with new realizations, filled with newer feelings and in the nights when I would lie in my bed listening to her voice I just couldn’t help but be lost trying to rediscover this newer person whom I have become. Being with her now makes me feel as if I have never been in love before, I don’t remember ever feeling anything this poignant, this ecstatic and sometimes I can’t help but be amazed as to how my heart, which at several instance of a time has been deemed dysfunctional, could even conjure all this that I feel now.
Someone told me once, a whiff of love is all it takes to send your head reeling and nothing could be more heady than this sweet intoxication. Yes, I am intoxicated, lost, dazed and if my friends are to be believed than beyond salvage and yes, now I walk these streets looking for her in every other face that I see and now I want each of my step to be the one that would bring her closer to me. I always believed in God but now when I stand at the altar, my mind goes blank because what else would a person who had got everything in his life could ever want.
We meet, we talk, we text but still I just can’t get enough of her, all I want to do is with her every single moment and after each good bye as I sat alone in a rickshaw and watched as her silhouette faded away in the distance, my heart was just filled with a silent melancholy. And yes, I miss her even more after each time we meet because nothing could ever match up to the way this life and this world feels when she is with me. And yes, when she is sitting next to me this world simply disappears for I step into a new one, the world that is made up of aspirations and expectations, contained within her tiny kohl lined eyes. In that very instant when our eyes meet, I just know that I won’t mind living my life fulfilling every whim, every expectation of hers because in that very instant all her dreams simply become mine.
And yes, I felt safe when she tentatively placed her warm and gentle hand into mine, I felt safe because in that very moment I knew that these would be the hands that would always reach out and hold me strong. When we sat there holding each other’s hand, there was a lot that I felt, there was a lot that was unbecoming inside of me, there was lot that stirred and was washing me over. And yes when we are sit together I go speechless and I get confused because there are just so many things in my heart that I would like to say to her and I don’t how. But I know someday I will find some way to show her all that is inside of me because until the day when both of us would be bound together forever, these words are all I will have to take her heart away. And yes I live on hope that things would always be just as beautiful as they are now and really I can’t help but be filled with this hope when I look back of the last one month because life gave me everything in an instant and now hope and her love is all what I live on. And yes, when I am sitting alone in that rickshaw, it’s this hope that makes me look for her at every bend and every corner for one day when the world within my eyes would have become hers, I know I will find her waiting there for me to come and take her home.
And Finally I am in Love…
There is a thing about love, its life altering, intoxicating and all encompassing and all it takes is a whiff and the world around you does a somersault. All your dreams, aspirations and expectations in life and all that you have lived for so far, simply become meaningless and all that matters is love and its sweet blissful scent that seem to infatuate each and every sense of yours. A week or so and my head is still reeling with exhilaration, being with her is so unbelievable like a dream which stretches and becomes your reality. And yes, I have been counting days, minutes and seconds and I am going to do so for another 12 or so odd days until she and me can be together and what a union that is going to be, sitting with her, hand in hand, driven to the brink of speechlessness by a reticent onslaught of these crumbling emotions. And yes each time these clouds roll on, my heart cries because only these tears could possibly enunciate this melancholy of separation but I am just too happy and kind of light headed too, as if her love has been the intoxication and a final deliverance I have been waiting for.
And I am a poet or this is what her love has made me and through this incipient and nonsensical poetry, I tell her all that I feel inside and sometimes I fumble for words because I have never been this madly in love with anyone before and now it feels like as if I have never been in love before until the moment I fell in love with her. And my past and my future do not matter to me now for my past is over and with her lies my future. And yes I have never been this sure about anything in life because never before I found the contentment I have been looking for.
And now when I think of it, I realize my mom was right when she said about me being nothing short of a soothsayer in my previous incarnations and speaking of which my dad couldn’t have been all that far detached from truth either when he said about me being clubbed to death by the very followers whom I soothed with my philosophy. Yes, I have a lot of notions in my head about how a relationship should be, about how two people in it should interact, act and so on and yes I have been too disillusioned by this love before to believe in the permanence of all that I am feeling. But now I think it is this mortality, this evanescence that has made everything beautiful, tomorrow when the love that both of us feel would start to appear more believable then maybe these unsettling emotions may settle down and I will be able to talk about things other than us but even then I would be just as much in love with her as I am now. And I am not going to stop philosophizing but this time around I will rather find some newly in love couples and corrupt their minds with my notions, anathemas and thoughts because at least this relationships of mine could do without my soothsaying’s and philosophies about what work and what doesn’t.
And yes I still look at other girls but with a feigned indifference like a child with a big teddy bear when he find himself in front of a shelf full of Barbie’s would, he may stop and appreciate their long blond hair and unbelievably thin frame but in the end he would move on because he had all that he wants and he happens to be very much in love with what he have in his arms. And whenever I see a couple walking hand in hand I just feel like shouting at the top of my voice and telling them that I too have a girlfriend who happens to love me more than anything else in this world.
And yes I want to be with her for the rest of my life, count the wrinkles as both of us get old, go to sleep each night with the gentle touch of her embrace and look at her face as I wake up each day. Yes I am love and for the first time… truly, deeply and madly.
5 Things which We All have heard Women Say
It’s a list though not as exhaustive and endless as I initially thought of it to be and it’s just a list derived from my own observation of our estrogen powered counterparts and though it’s not backed by any scientific or sociological hypothesis but it still is pretty much observationally true. I think that each of us is different in every perceptible way but still at some level I feel given the company that we keep and given the similar circumstances that we all face, we end up feeling or behaving in an almost similar manner (gender, race or bias notwithstanding) though I think when it comes to men it always easy to find a common denominator i.e. either booze or cars or women (or men’s for some) or any other subset of these three. Women are an altogether different creation I would say and it more or less is impossible to categorize them but still given circumstances like philandering boyfriends or unresolved daddy issues or their inherent tendency to play mom, the words that they speak end up sounding almost the same though I wish I could know for myself about the intent with which these words may have been spoken but sadly I am not a psychic though I think X-Ray vision and a red cape would have got me more chicks then any psychic abilities.
First thing that you will hear any girl say has to be “I am not like any other girl” followed closely by an almost similar sounding verse “I am different”. I for one never actually understood as to why this need for individualization is so acute in a female mind and as to why even after following the each word scribbled in Cosmopolitan like verses of bible and wanting almost the same things as any other female in the street, can’t they accept this horrible but yet true fact that they are as well like every else. It’s not saying but rather believing in your identity that makes you different and I believe if you truly are different then words become redundant because in this world of fakeness and make believes, reality always stands out.
Second thing on my list is “I don’t follow fashion” or “What I wear becomes a trend” or “I wear what I like”. Well, don’t we all wear what we like and really if what you wear becomes a trend then how come we never saw you wearing empire cut or skinny jeans in the summer of 2005 and if you don’t follow fashion then why are you not down scavenging the old and used store instead of standing amidst all the sequined tops.
Third most used verse has to be “I have food allergies” or “I have dyslexia or whatever new and exotic disease that movie star has”. One thing which I never understood is how come someone almost miraculously develops an allergy or intolerance and that too in middle age and how you happen to earn a college degree when you are a dyslexic. I am actually waiting to hear someone say that they are suffering from attention deficient syndrome and I sometimes wonder if all this dumb and bimbo behavior which most of the females seem to suffer from is nothing but a ruse made popular by movies such as The Rainman or The Dumb and Dumber.
Fourth most heard remark is “I am manipulative” or “I am least unforgiving of all people” or “I will find your weakness and hurt you where it hurts the most” or “I don’t forget”. Well, none of us can actually forget the wrong done to us but what matters is who goes onto hold the grudge in his heart and who moves on with life and seriously , blessed are those who can forget for it is to them the present belongs. As for the other proclamations, I think when you are with someone you don’t have to work really hard to find their weakness and almost anyone can hit below the belt and get away with it and being manipulative is something which each human being is endowed with.
Finally, the fifth most used one liners has to be “I hate pink” or “I don’t do make up” or “I am not a feminist”. Really, I never can understand as to why girls are aversive to anything which would make them look more like a girl and if women are not going to stand by their feminist ideals then who will. It’s okay to believe in the equality of sexes but still we are not equal and rather than equality I think it’s the coexistence which we should strive for.
Like I said this list isn’t exhaustive and it’s not like we men are without fallacies or fraudulence and I think the above said things apply equally to men’s as well for deep down the circumstances that go into defining the human architecture are the same and lastly despite of my belief in outward beauty, I am not a chauvinist but like they say truth can sometimes as well lead to delusions, so even if you feel as if I am then please deal with it.
What women want?
Women are complicated, twisted or devious or equivocal or whatever you may associate vagueness with. Actually, much more than being vague, they have a tendency to associate their very own reasons and logic with whatever words they are speaking and more often than not these reasons like the Holy Grail or perhaps some unsolved murder mystery, remain buried beneath those dagger-in-disguise eyes. Secrets that I don’t think anyone could have possibly unearthed because to understand someone you have to put yourself in their place and I don’t know of a way which would allow men to think like a women and still be a men. Wow, it feels so complicated even writing this and why would any level headed person- and by person I mean Men, my brothers under the sun, brought together by the bonds of their testosterone- would like to think like a women, seriously tell me would a women like to be a guy irrespective of the fun and freedom that we guys have. I really don’t get it why women can’t be unpretentious and for a change actually mean what they say, like in a relationship they have this real bad tendency to complain if a guy isn’t expressive enough, if the guy starts to express themselves they start complaining about him not being demonstrative enough and if the guy starts to demonstrate his love they start looking behind each and every of his actions because according to them the guy who pays to much attention is either a jerk or a loser or is cheating on them and the poor guy is left vexed with endless questions about the flowers he should buy, shirt he should wear or the things he should say in front of his girlfriend’s friend’s and so on. Can’t women for a change be appreciative of what they get come on, you don’t have to delve deep within yourself and find courage to go and ask a person out and all this while when we are perspiring in our pants and suffering from a temporary loss of memory and bouts of stammering you get to play all calm and poise with just a should I or won’t I kind of question in your mind and instead of spending hours deciding between blue and black and picking red instead and later going back to the store for exchanging the red one because it does not go with the boots you have bought, please for god sake spare the poor guy from these endless and inexorable atrocities of making him wait excruciating hours while you try out almost every other dress in the store and check your reflection in the mirror and at the end of it, you expect him to carry all the shopping bags for you so that your hands can remain free for better things. I don’t get it why women have to be so obsessive, isn’t one pair of boot sufficient, I could totally understand and appreciate someone buying a pair of Nike’s or Reebok’s but boots, what good do they serve apart from saving you the trouble of shaving your legs and what’s with the lost puppy look which almost miraculously seem to adorn your face whenever you are in the vicinity of Fendi or Ferragamo or Von Dutch store, we know having those good for nothing and itzy-bitzy bags are going to sky rocket your popularity factor and is going to reduce your worst antagonist( who unfortunately always happen to be better looking and well endowed the you) to smolders but baby not everyone of us men’s get’s to take home a pay check with six digits along with benefits and a company Merc and even if we happen to have that kind of money then there are better things to splurge on then those boots and handbags like a 50 inch plasma or a play station or a Lamborghini laptop and what about those infinitely high heels that you so much seem to adorn, you are not getting taller by creating this illusion and torturing your feet and believe me, we guys have a very bad tendency to check every girl who happen to measure up to us in height, for heels and sorry, we cannot tell the difference between wedge, stilettos or platforms, so don’t even bother explaining it to us. And to top it all, the dreaded “ We need to talk” regimen, why can’t women for a change say that honey, by the virtue of your actions you happened to royally piss me off and only possible way to redemption involves me holding you by your balls and banging your head against the wall. Believe me guys, lower sperm count and a concussion is far better than days of silent treatment and nights without sex.
Women, I am still a long way from figuring out what they are and since I am no Mel Gibson and I am not all that game about electrocution, I don’t see myself being able to achieve this feat anytime in the near future but one thing for sure, who so ever figures out this mystery will be winning nothing short of a Nobel Prize and is going to have temples dedicated to him and I swear he is going to be the most laid person in this world.
are men really jerks??
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then”. These lines are said by Katherine Hepburn and I have spent the entire day reflecting on them. These lines as a matter of fact happen to be in perfect sync with the conversation that I have with my aunt sometime back. Actually it was about the blog wherein she described all of my friends as jerks and later went on to blame all the guys and their jerkiness for the lack of love in her life. My aunt is one of those know it all types and though it kills me to accept this, she is seldom wrong but her remark about my friends left me feeling offended. Now I am one of those people who really love their friends and believe in standing by them through every thick and thin. If my aunt is to be believed then according to her men’s are jerks because they have nothing better to do than to think about girls and women are better human beings because they are not infatuated with men’s and they have better issues in their minds like shoes, jewelry, handbags etc and their actions are not directed towards seeking attention from opposite sex. She did adumbrate on the last point when she told me that girls dress up for the sole purpose of making each other jealous. I was left completely perplexed because I don’t know as to what really qualifies as the definition of a good human being. Because if she is to be believed then all the Paris Hilton’s and Lindsay Lohen would be the best human beings ever because these ladies have far more bling and shoes and handbags then the entire populace of world put together. Whatever she told me apart from sounding ridiculous felt really confusing. So in order to redeem myself I went and asked one of my gal friends about her views on all this. Imagine my horror when she mouthed the exact same words though she was a bit too explicit while describing about guys and their slobbery. According to her guys are absolute jerks, morons, slime of the earth who can’t help but imagine a girl in the way that is defined by her physical attributes and if it wouldn’t have been for the guys there would have been so much less pollution, deforestation, eve teasing, rapes and molestations etc and we are the people who are afraid of anything that remotely involves commitment. As if words from my aunt weren’t enough, talking to my friend actually left me flabbergasted. I have spent close to three days now thinking about whether guys really are jerks or not. There isn’t an explanation that I could really provide or that would really fit in here because all these accusations pretty much sums up everything that we as guys do. Perhaps we are jerks because we like to think and talk about girls and because we think of them to be the sweetest of all creatures. Yes we are jerks because we are so much infatuated with their thoughts that we love almost everything about them. We love the way they talk, the way they smile, the way they cry, the way they look all dressed up or the way they look all messed up, they way they sneeze and gently say excuse me after it, they way they feel when you cuddle them in your arms and the way their punches feel when they really try to hit you, the way they look with all their make up on and way they look without it or the way their freshly washed hairs smell and the way the quiver when you run your hand through their back. Really there isn’t anything that we could hate about them and though, gadgets come a close second, girls have to be the ultimate of our lives obsession. We may be jerks but at the end of day when you are feeling really low and worn out, you would always find us waiting and ready to take you in our arms and believe me, we will accept you irrespective of the shoes or jewelry or handbags that you may possess.
I do not really know about my aunt but as it turn out to be my friend had a boyfriend once who dumped my petit and not so well endowed friend for a girl with real big hooters. She will come out of it I know but we will always be jerks for we can’t help being guys.
