The Year of Reclamation

Four more days and this year as well will come to an end, was this year any different from all 23 of its counterparts that I have lived through is the question that I find myself facing. One thing that I realized in all these intervening years is years always seem to pass more quickly than the days, my graduation party seems to be just a moment ago but what I did last night seems to be a part of some ancient memory perhaps because my days are so filled with inconsequential chores bound together by a rhythm of repetitiveness that even a slightest break from routine ends up forming a major crux of memory. But sometimes I think that life is nothing but a routine, we all move in tandem as the music of life plays on and perhaps that is why we all have an inherent desire to break free, to be different.

Another thing which I realized was despite being a rogue, I was still a wolf and wolves always belong to a pack, no matter how much I want to run away at the end of the day it is this society that I have to return to and no matter how much I try to alienate myself and be different from people, I have realized that I am still awfully like everyone else. Perhaps, because differences are all relative and despite of being like everyone else it’s the way I maintain my individuality that makes me different. It did took me a long time but I finally realized the similarity between loneliness and the self imposed exodus that I had condemned myself to for what we all may call as solitude is nothing more than an euphemism that we use to describe our ineptitude or incapacity to relate with people.

Friendship is probably the most important and easiest to forge relationship and this probably is one of the most useful of all lessons that I learnt this year. I found new friends and that too in people with whom I had no inkling with, people who have been around me for as long as I can remember but whom owing to my attitude or rather arrogance got to know in the previous few months. I think we always anyways end up knowing people whom we are meant to be with, no matter how weird and implausible the acquaintance may seem to be and as far as my experience with this life goes, I have realized that the number of people whom you can be with at a time always remains the same. Perhaps because everything comes at a price and what you may chose goes a long way in deciding what people you stay with or move away from and if only we can control whom to let in and whom to let go and more importantly when to let go then perhaps we can go to live a much more contented and a happier life.

This year I finally realized the importance one’s past plays in his life, I realized moving on is perhaps the easiest thing to do but to look your past in the eye and to imbibe all the lessons learnt from it, is probably the toughest thing to do. Finally this year, I was once again able to coax my heart into falling in love and that too again with a person whom I could never be with but perhaps an unrequited heart is better than a broken one and who knows somewhere down the line she may as well end up feeling the same things for me. This year has been all about a rebirth, a reincarnation where I did things in the most uncharacteristic of all manners from sharing a house with 3 other of my friend to actually loving them all despite of all their proclivities and delinquencies, from trying to be metrosexual and looking like a girl to once again embracing black and blues and still looking like a girl, from trying to be what I want to being what I am, from loving to losing and loving despite of losing.

This year, I could finally say I have grown for now adolescence seems to me like childhood and now that I have finally learnt how make a perfect coffee and that too in a microwave instead of a coffee maker, I could say for sure that I have lost all the naivety that once I very much loved. Unfinished businesses are as well something which I have grown to love more so because I know someday I will be walking these roads again, these unfinished businesses and the things which I could have said but never said will make me come back and look for people whom I have left but till then I would rather wander along these paths of life, meeting and falling in love with people whom I get to walk these roads with for love is the most important of all emotions that I have reclaimed in the past one year and now that I know what being in love is, I have realized that love is what makes this life bearable and worth living.

age of innoncence

We all at some point of time or other stood at the threshold that demarcates between innocence and adulthood. Sooner or later, we all make that transition and sooner or later, we all realize that standing and waiting on that threshold was perhaps the most beautiful of all life’s experiences. Stepping into adulthood is perhaps the most important moment of our lives. More so because adulthood in a way symbolizes an end to our age of innocence. We lose something we all have grown up with. A lot of things simply cease to be what they are. Perhaps, this is the price we all have to pay for becoming what we all have wanted to be. I remember as a child all I wanted to do was to grow up and tall, with big moustaches and marry someone beautiful. At that time beautiful was someone who remotely resembled my mother. Looking back now it all seems so weird. How things simply change themselves, how they lose their meanings and how that meaning changes for us, is something we all find difficult to comprehend.

Strange and new sensations, which we have never experience before, starts to arise within us and they are always accompanied by a strange stirring which we experience whenever we are around the opposite sex. Most of the time we are so awash with these feelings, that controlling them doesn’t even seem to be an option. Strange things start happenings to our bodies and we can’t help but feel like a stranger trapped with his own body. It is the time when we start thinking in terms of love and relationships though the getting laid is the most underlining motivation of all. A lot of meanings are changed for us so beautiful becomes someone with great tits and hot is someone, wearing a bra. It is all about coming to terms with your sexuality and believe me, it is much easier said than done. In today’s world, where virginity and abstinence have become more of a vice then virtue, I think coming to terms with our sexuality can alleviate a lot of problems.

The transition in to adulthood, is something that frightens all of us. It is like standing in front of a door and being afraid of opening it because you don’t know what lies beyond it and then suddenly one day, the door simply vanishes and you find yourself standing in a strange new world. Once, you get past your tears you could actually see a big “Welcome to adulthood” sign hanging about somewhere. Most of us never look back, embracing adulthood as a natural progression but those of us do, are reminded of an age of innocence that we have left behind. It’s cool being an adult and real cool getting all those women you want but somewhere down the line all these milestones become redundant and at that moment all you want to do is to go back to where it all began. Believe me, there isn’t a thing that I won’t do to feel that innocence again, if only it was within my prerogative.