Questions- That never were asked
How to act when you are meeting your would be brother in law for the first time or how not to stupidly grin and for a change have an intelligent conversation with him?? Speaking of intelligent conversation, the last time I had one was with my girlfriend though at that time she wasn’t my girl friend and I ended up staring blatantly at her face. More so because she chose to dress up like a Barbie that day and with cheeks so pink and hair so ravishingly long, even demigods would have stopped in their tracks to adore her. Speaking of dressing up, I now kind of know for sure that this is something that runs in her family because the moment I stood next to her brother, I felt grossly underdressed in my tattered jeans and sweaty t-shirt. But then it doesn’t usually take much to make me feel underdressed and her brother was dressed resplendently in shirt and trousers with belt and shoes with socks. Dressing and under dressing apart, the one thing that I realized though much later in the rendezvous and that was to never have a conversation about technology and mobile computing, especially when all you have done is chase around girls and sleep through three years of your post graduation.
Well, we met all three of us and what happened isn’t much of a consequence now more so because nothing much actually happened. I went there expecting a volley of questions and I was all revved up with explanations and all I wanted to do was to convince him of the love that I have for her sister but instead all I got was a pair of really calculating eyes. I can’t blame him though and maybe the word of her sister was enough to convince him of the love that both of us share and maybe he was there to just see for himself how good her sister choice is. At some point in our conversation he did ask me something that actually took me by surprise and that was as to what I think about him. Now there are people you don’t need to have an opinion about, there are people whom you can do without being friends with and expecting love from people whom I happen to be in love with and giving and expecting indifference from everyone else, is the way I live my life. But then love is all about going where you never have been, meeting all those you have never met before and loving all that you never have loved. So yes someday I will have an opinion about him but till then I am happy to look through her eyes and believe whatever she tells me.
And it all ended pretty soon and I walked back home with a lot of unsaid and unexpressed feelings and it was then I realized that I was the one supposed to be running the show but then I have never loved anyone this much before to actually bother meeting their family and try to make an impression. And now I think as long as she is convinced of the love that I feel for her, I don’t need to make an effort and convince anyone else because people who love you can actually sense the conviction in your voice and that’s all I think her brother was looking for.
And now I live my life in a flux, expecting the unexpected, going where the love takes me, saying whatever my heart conjures up and dreaming each moment of time when both of us would be together forever. Love, hope and the sweet smell of her skin, that’s what I live for now.
Love and Hope, Thats all I Live for Now
What does it take for a life to do a one eighty and turn itself around? Well, I don’t know about the world and seriously it is far too hot for me to go out and enquire about someone else’s life but as far as my life goes all it took was three or may be four simple words and nothing was same ever again. It’s been a month and I have woken up every single day, filled with new realizations, filled with newer feelings and in the nights when I would lie in my bed listening to her voice I just couldn’t help but be lost trying to rediscover this newer person whom I have become. Being with her now makes me feel as if I have never been in love before, I don’t remember ever feeling anything this poignant, this ecstatic and sometimes I can’t help but be amazed as to how my heart, which at several instance of a time has been deemed dysfunctional, could even conjure all this that I feel now.
Someone told me once, a whiff of love is all it takes to send your head reeling and nothing could be more heady than this sweet intoxication. Yes, I am intoxicated, lost, dazed and if my friends are to be believed than beyond salvage and yes, now I walk these streets looking for her in every other face that I see and now I want each of my step to be the one that would bring her closer to me. I always believed in God but now when I stand at the altar, my mind goes blank because what else would a person who had got everything in his life could ever want.
We meet, we talk, we text but still I just can’t get enough of her, all I want to do is with her every single moment and after each good bye as I sat alone in a rickshaw and watched as her silhouette faded away in the distance, my heart was just filled with a silent melancholy. And yes, I miss her even more after each time we meet because nothing could ever match up to the way this life and this world feels when she is with me. And yes, when she is sitting next to me this world simply disappears for I step into a new one, the world that is made up of aspirations and expectations, contained within her tiny kohl lined eyes. In that very instant when our eyes meet, I just know that I won’t mind living my life fulfilling every whim, every expectation of hers because in that very instant all her dreams simply become mine.
And yes, I felt safe when she tentatively placed her warm and gentle hand into mine, I felt safe because in that very moment I knew that these would be the hands that would always reach out and hold me strong. When we sat there holding each other’s hand, there was a lot that I felt, there was a lot that was unbecoming inside of me, there was lot that stirred and was washing me over. And yes when we are sit together I go speechless and I get confused because there are just so many things in my heart that I would like to say to her and I don’t how. But I know someday I will find some way to show her all that is inside of me because until the day when both of us would be bound together forever, these words are all I will have to take her heart away. And yes I live on hope that things would always be just as beautiful as they are now and really I can’t help but be filled with this hope when I look back of the last one month because life gave me everything in an instant and now hope and her love is all what I live on. And yes, when I am sitting alone in that rickshaw, it’s this hope that makes me look for her at every bend and every corner for one day when the world within my eyes would have become hers, I know I will find her waiting there for me to come and take her home.
The Debt Repayed
I begged, literally, I tried to sweet talk my way out of this deal but like they say there some people on whom your charms are always lost so here I am fulfilling my end of the deal. What was the deal about, well I don’t actually want to remember, all I remember is the night when it all begun, not the deal obviously but rather this strange and indelible friendship. Four lines into this blog and I am already rummaging for words. Not because I don’t know what to say but rather there is just so much to say and tell that I am afraid if I would ever be able to contain all that in words. How it all started doesn’t matter and really my memory is kind of blurry along those edges but our friendship just simply started or rather came into being from the relative strangeness that exists between two unsuspecting people. We never met, never heard each other voice though I do have voice in my head which I hope would sound pretty much like her but that apart there isn’t an intricacy of my life that she won’t know about. Right from my ceremonious break ups to my current relationship, she knows it all and almost every other night I would wait for that tiny dot against her name to turn green just so I could pour my heart out to her. How can I trust someone and that too so easily, I often wondered but pretty soon as when everything that was in her heart started to pour on my screen, all my doubts disappeared for I just knew that she has conquered the strangeness that I was still trying to battle through. And she is the only one who has always read almost every other word that I wrote and she is one of the best critics that I could ever have had for she understands and knows the real reason behind my melancholic poetry. And now that both of us have so many things going on in our own lives, we may not see or chat with each other that often but I know one day when that grey dot against her name would turn green, both of us would pick up the story right from where we last left; adding newer stories and I for sure crying for the butterfly that I could never catch. And yes I still wonder about this friendship and if any thing in life could ever be this free from expectations and I get no answer but then there is a thing about chemistry which she always had said, you either have it or you don’t.
